Findings…
Supra-spinatous tendinopathy, Partial thickness injury of the Subscapularis tendon and Sub-coracoid bursal effusion. Jargon. In short, I injured my right shoulder. For 6 to 8 weeks I was in so much pain. I could not rotate my hand in or out. I could barely flex my biceps to lift anything. I could not lift my hand out in a straight line. I could not practice yoga. I could not make Ugali. I could barely carry my daughter.
Context…
Let’s keep in mind the following. I am right handed. I am a yoga student. I am a yoga teacher. I love looooooooooove Ugali. I am the mother of a fabulous toddler. This injury happened at a time when I was doing great! I was making real progress with my inversions. Head and handstands. My practice was regular and rewarding. It set me back. Big time. Or so I thought.
Alafu…
After the initial, disappointment, shocks of pain because you forgot you had said injury and general feeling of uselessness; there can, sometimes, come a certain complacency with injury. It is a tempting and comfortable place to be. The, ‘I can’t.’ Not because you are physically unable to but the ‘Now I don’t have to nor want to’. This is where I lived for a bit. I did not realise I was in a funk. It was not until I was invited to a bible plan by a close friend. On that particular day, the devotion spoke on how we can be complacent as Christians in exercising our faith. Getting by without truly being immersed in the faith we profess. There I was, operating on auto-pilot, not being present and straight drifting on nothing to nowhere. That night, I made a tiny Ugali for myself, my husband and daughter. I was determined to do it. Which I did. And very very badly. I had to build strength and flexibility once again. I had to wake up to what I wanted to achieve and most importantly find the commitment to keep at it.
I went back to my mat. It may have looked liked a less than thrilling practice but one of the best experiences I have ever had on the mat! I was fully present. Certain cues and methodology begun to make sense. Downward dog IS a resting pose! Yeah, I said it. Also, you should always “BREATHE” into that “SENSATION!” I have never found true release while practicing hip openers. I discovered that my default is to hold on to tension in my shoulders to compensate for the sensation in my hips. Since my shoulder was taken out of the game while healing, I experienced something so beautiful. That 3 minute half pigeon was the best yet! I went home to make Ugali again. (This one was better, FYI) I returned looking at all the modifications I could take to heal my shoulder and all the recipes that didn’t need an arm workout.
By the way…
In case you are wondering how I got myself into this injury, It was thanks to my taking my own alignment for granted. I can’t stress how important alignment is. If you can stand on your pinky finger, that is fabulous! But you must do so with the correct alignment. You may be the person that does it right. Alignment, school, life, and all the above and all and you may still get hurt. Worst case scenario, you end up scarred, changed forever. Best case scenario, is you end up scarred and changed forever.
Itakuaje sasa?
I came out of that injury, bigger (lol) and better for it. While in the place of discovery we actively search for new insights, re-affirm what we already know and make/patch up paths to our best selves. I encounter moments that can be transcendent. The difference between regular shemgular things and the aha moments is whether I am awake to what is possible right there and right then. #goosebumps #high5dmyself
See you when I see you.
Julie
The Alleged Yogi.
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